IT CHANGED ME….

September 27, 2009 at 7:42 pm (Attitudes, Family, Just Emotions, Lessons Learned, Love, Reality)

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Two years ago today, I was sitting in a Doctor’s Office when I heard those dreaded words, “You have breast cancer.”  I know that she continued to talk, but I honestly could not process what she was saying.  I felt as though a train had hit me.   I do remember she repeated to me that I was not going to die from this.

Two years later, I marvel at what all has happened and how I have changed.  Yes, I have changed quite a bit.  Initially I vowed that cancer would not change me.  I fought hard to remain exactly the same.  I wanted to be who I always was.  But the cancer won and I began to change.

The most obvious changes were physical.  I now have a 7½ inch scar.  I felt as though my body had played a cruel joke on me.  I never saw it coming and I was the object of a nightmarish prank.

I was very fortunate and only required two surgeries for the cancer to be gone.  After that, four more for reconstruction and I am pronounced “Finished!”

But I definitely have changed.

Over these twenty-four months I have begun to see the value of family, of friends, of church, of ministry, of life.  I realize my own mortality.  I know that I cannot “do it all”.  I have fought hard not to learn these things, but the cancer taught them to me.

Along with the cancer came some unwanted “friends”.  Depression, loneliness, pain, confusion and anger.  And each of them, in their own way and time changed me also.

As I look back today, I can honestly say that the cancer changed me and I would not have it any other way.  I have more compassion for the hurting, more understanding for the depressed.  I know that my own life is not as important as I once thought.  There are too many ways I have changed for the better to even list.  But I thank God that He allowed me to go down this path.  I thank Him for a loving, caring, compassionate husband who was with me each step of the way.  I thank Him for children who bring me joy.  And I pray that I will not waste one lesson that I have learned because of the cancer.

Forgive me for being a bit “morbid” today, but I just needed to put into words my thoughts.  I am praying for each friend I know who is also traveling this most difficult road.

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SELFLESSNESS

May 20, 2009 at 9:09 pm (Attitudes, Family)

Let me tell you a love story from the 1930’s.  Two young people, Bill and Merinda, met and fell in love.  Knowing that they were “right” for each other, Bill proposed. 

However, the 1930’s were an impoverished time.  Both Bill and Merinda were fortunate to have employment.  Each family relied upon their income.  If they married, the loss of their earnings would cause a hardship at home. 

But their love for each other was real – and it was strong.  And so they did what they thought was best.  Bill and Merinda were married in a private ceremony.  It was so private, that only the Pastor and his wife were in attendance.  In fact, it was so private that even their parents were not invited or even told of the nuptials.  

For an entire year they were married, but continued to live in their respective parents home.  It was not an easy year.  But it was what they felt had to be done.

After the news of their marriage accidentally leaked out, Bill and Merinda were able to “set-up” house.  They began what they hoped would be many happy years together.

 Soon they were blest with three healthy sons.  It was a wonderful life!  The boys grew and the family was happy. 

A month after the oldest graduated from high school, tragedy struck.  While at work, Bill was electrocuted.  He died immediately.  Merinda and the boys were devastated. 

But Merinda did what needed to be done.  She went to Nursing School and became a nurse.  She worked for years as a Pediatric Nurse.  

When I was 6, I had to have my tonsils removed.  In the hospital the night before surgery, I was really nervous.   Then in walked  Nurse Merinda, or should I say, Aunt Merinda.  You see, Merinda’s husband Bill was my father’s brother.   I knew that I would be okay because, if Aunt Merinda worked at that hospital.  Everything would be fine. 

Aunt Merinda was a “gem of a woman”. She was sweet, strong, determined and godly.  She was a wonderful example of selflessness.  She had the attitude that you do what needs to be done. 

Monday Aunt Merinda passed away.  She was 93 years old.  We have lost a great model for women today.  What we need in our world today are examples like Aunt Merinda.  I will miss “Nurse Merinda”.

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GRACE

January 7, 2009 at 8:01 am (Attitudes, Focus)

job4GRACE – God’s Riches At Christ’s Expense    God’s Grace to me is incredible!  But very often, I enjoy and appreciate God’s Grace when things are going well…But when I have some “difficulties to face”, His Grace is temporarily forgotten.

 

The story of Job is portrayed in the Old Testament.  In man’s eyes, Job was “blameless and upright”.  In other words, according to his peers, Job was perfect!  He had all that anyone could ever need or want.  He had a wonderful family, good health, servants, livestock, properties – everything!  But within a short time he lost it all!  Everything was gone, except for his wife who told him to “curse God and die”.  (What a wonderful {????} helpmate!)  He spent the period of his life in agony.  His children and servants were killed.  All of his livestock were destroyed.  In Job 1:22, God’s Word says of Job, “In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.”  

 

Finally, he lost his health.  Job sat in a heap of ashes and used broken pottery to scrape the sores on his body.  (Not a pleasant picture, is it?)  This “perfect man” who had it all, no longer was on top of his game. 

 

What would your response be to tragedies like this?  Job answers the obstacles in his life with this response:  “Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?” 

 

On New Year’s Eve I was informed that I must have one more (?) surgery.  Evidently, I have developed a large amount of scar tissue that is causing some problems.  I thought this part of it was all over!  Then, on Sunday I received a traffic citation because I did not realize that my car inspection had run out!  There have been some other “difficulties” this past week.  (You really don’t need all the details.)  I have been tempted to find a heap of ashes and sit and cry. 

 

But God’s Grace – Oh, how precious!  His Grace covers it all!  The good, the bad, the difficult.  I am so blest with a wonderful family and incredible friends!  God has given me a tremendous heritage.  Will I scoff at the struggles that God allows to come my way?  Will I “quit life” or at least my “spiritual life” because it’s not the way I want it to be? 

 

Absolutely not!  God has given me so much, especially salvation through His son.  This is more important and precious than anything else.  I will choose to walk this journey with Him. 

 

How about you? 

 

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FEARFULLY & WONDERFULLY MADE!

May 18, 2008 at 5:45 pm (Attitudes)

In Psalm 139, David tells us that we are fearfully and wonderfully created by God Himself.  That is a wonderful thought!  God created me – and He loves me! 

 

Quite often I wonder why God created me this way!  Why am I so afraid of snakes?  And why did He make me with such a quirky personality?  Why does He allow me to put my foot in my own mouth so often?  But reality is – God created me this way – and He loves me!  He desires to continue to work on me and improve me.  He wants to perfect me for His purpose.  I feel so valuable when I think that way!

 

However, I need to use that same line of thought when it comes to others!  How often have I thought, why is that person that way?  But God created EVERY person for His purpose.  He wants to perfect in each of us His way!  So the next time I get irritated with the mouthy 9 year old, or frustrated with the nosy 90 year old, Lord, show me how much you love that person!

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SUFFER, SACRIFICE, SERVANT

February 10, 2008 at 9:07 pm (Attitudes)

 My Sunday School lesson today was about the cost of discipleship.  As believers, we love to hear about the blessings of God in our lives.  (He really does bless us much more than we deserve!) I love to hear how God gives us victories.  (Who doesn’t enjoy a mountain-top experience???)  But God calls us to discipleship…and it cost us! 

Philippians 1:29 says, “For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him.”   God has GRANTED us the privilege to suffer for Him!  Now, I don’t enjoy suffering (that’s why I took my pain pills after surgery).    But I realize that out of suffering comes an appreciation for the lack of pain and an appreciation for those who suffer!  And most of all comes an appreciation for the Rescuer of the sufferer.  In America, we don’t really know what it means to suffer for Christ.   That’s where the sacrifice comes in…I willingly sacrifice of myself for the cause of Christ.  Sacrifice means giving up of one thing for something of greater importance.  ALL sacrifice is that!  And when we as believers gladly suffer, and willingly sacrifice, we become a servant.  “Servant” should not be classified as a noun but a verb.  Servant should be an action word.  Christ exampled the truest expression of a servant. 

Just some quick thoughts for you.  Do you have anything to add?

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