IT CHANGED ME….

September 27, 2009 at 7:42 pm (Attitudes, Family, Just Emotions, Lessons Learned, Love, Reality)

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Two years ago today, I was sitting in a Doctor’s Office when I heard those dreaded words, “You have breast cancer.”  I know that she continued to talk, but I honestly could not process what she was saying.  I felt as though a train had hit me.   I do remember she repeated to me that I was not going to die from this.

Two years later, I marvel at what all has happened and how I have changed.  Yes, I have changed quite a bit.  Initially I vowed that cancer would not change me.  I fought hard to remain exactly the same.  I wanted to be who I always was.  But the cancer won and I began to change.

The most obvious changes were physical.  I now have a 7½ inch scar.  I felt as though my body had played a cruel joke on me.  I never saw it coming and I was the object of a nightmarish prank.

I was very fortunate and only required two surgeries for the cancer to be gone.  After that, four more for reconstruction and I am pronounced “Finished!”

But I definitely have changed.

Over these twenty-four months I have begun to see the value of family, of friends, of church, of ministry, of life.  I realize my own mortality.  I know that I cannot “do it all”.  I have fought hard not to learn these things, but the cancer taught them to me.

Along with the cancer came some unwanted “friends”.  Depression, loneliness, pain, confusion and anger.  And each of them, in their own way and time changed me also.

As I look back today, I can honestly say that the cancer changed me and I would not have it any other way.  I have more compassion for the hurting, more understanding for the depressed.  I know that my own life is not as important as I once thought.  There are too many ways I have changed for the better to even list.  But I thank God that He allowed me to go down this path.  I thank Him for a loving, caring, compassionate husband who was with me each step of the way.  I thank Him for children who bring me joy.  And I pray that I will not waste one lesson that I have learned because of the cancer.

Forgive me for being a bit “morbid” today, but I just needed to put into words my thoughts.  I am praying for each friend I know who is also traveling this most difficult road.

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A MATCHED SET

August 22, 2009 at 1:34 pm (Family, Marriage)

Some months back I set up a yard sale for our church youth. They were hoping to raise a lot of money for an event. I am all for the youth and their events, so I volunteered to head up the set-up.

The set-up involved a lot more than I expected. There were boxes, bags, piles of JUNK! I began to place items on tables according to a certain category. One table had a section for salt and pepper shakers. I realized to some people they are collectibles if they are a “matched set”. So I displayed them to get the most value from each set. As I was putting them out, I noticed that there were two or three shakers without a mate. Each separate shaker was able to stand alone; but the value was diminished when the pair was broken.

Lately I have been thinking a lot of how important my husband is to me. Thirty years ago, we “became one”. It has been quite a journey! He is someone who I have learned to love more and more each day. He is my strongest supporter and cheerleader. When we are apart, I miss him terribly! I can’t wait to talk with him each day.

But when we are together, WOW! We are good! It is amazing what we can do together! God intended for us to be a pair, a “matched set”. Each of us can stand alone if necessary. But God intended for Paul to be my helpmate. And more importantly to me, He intended for me to be Paul’s helpmate.

Webster’s defines helpmate as: one who is a companion and helper. I LOVE that God cared enough for both of us, that He gave us each other. I’m not trying to brag, but I am realizing today God knew what He was doing when He brought us together! We are a pair!

Paul and Sharon 2

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SELFLESSNESS

May 20, 2009 at 9:09 pm (Attitudes, Family)

Let me tell you a love story from the 1930’s.  Two young people, Bill and Merinda, met and fell in love.  Knowing that they were “right” for each other, Bill proposed. 

However, the 1930’s were an impoverished time.  Both Bill and Merinda were fortunate to have employment.  Each family relied upon their income.  If they married, the loss of their earnings would cause a hardship at home. 

But their love for each other was real – and it was strong.  And so they did what they thought was best.  Bill and Merinda were married in a private ceremony.  It was so private, that only the Pastor and his wife were in attendance.  In fact, it was so private that even their parents were not invited or even told of the nuptials.  

For an entire year they were married, but continued to live in their respective parents home.  It was not an easy year.  But it was what they felt had to be done.

After the news of their marriage accidentally leaked out, Bill and Merinda were able to “set-up” house.  They began what they hoped would be many happy years together.

 Soon they were blest with three healthy sons.  It was a wonderful life!  The boys grew and the family was happy. 

A month after the oldest graduated from high school, tragedy struck.  While at work, Bill was electrocuted.  He died immediately.  Merinda and the boys were devastated. 

But Merinda did what needed to be done.  She went to Nursing School and became a nurse.  She worked for years as a Pediatric Nurse.  

When I was 6, I had to have my tonsils removed.  In the hospital the night before surgery, I was really nervous.   Then in walked  Nurse Merinda, or should I say, Aunt Merinda.  You see, Merinda’s husband Bill was my father’s brother.   I knew that I would be okay because, if Aunt Merinda worked at that hospital.  Everything would be fine. 

Aunt Merinda was a “gem of a woman”. She was sweet, strong, determined and godly.  She was a wonderful example of selflessness.  She had the attitude that you do what needs to be done. 

Monday Aunt Merinda passed away.  She was 93 years old.  We have lost a great model for women today.  What we need in our world today are examples like Aunt Merinda.  I will miss “Nurse Merinda”.

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HE MADE ME CRY!

May 1, 2009 at 4:47 pm (Family)

teardrop

Yesterday my son did something that caught me off guard.  It actually caused me to cry…

Nick has been “on his own” for about four years.   He is an incredible young man of God and I am VERY proud of him.  But, as is the way things are supposed to be, Nick has become his own man. 

Yesterday he went back to Latrobe, Pennsylvania where he and his sister were raised.  He was taking a day to read and pray.  While there, he went to the high school where he had lead a successful Bible Club.  They were actually hosting a large Christian Rally.  It was a moving time for Nick to see how far the Bible Club has gone. 

 After leaving the Rally, Nick called me.  He told me where he was and what he had done.  And then (let the tears begin), Nick said to me, “I had a blest childhood.  Thank you for what you did.” 

 It has been 27 ½ years since I brought him into this world.  Yesterday, more than ever, it was worth it.

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATASHA!

March 31, 2009 at 8:52 am (Family)

tasha-relaxin1I remember well where I was 25 years ago today – right now.  I was in the hospital giving birth to my daughter, Natasha.  Happy Birthday, Baby!  I LOVE YOU!

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MY DAD, FRANK KASPAREK

March 22, 2009 at 3:58 pm (Family, Memories)

 

 

dadkasparek1Four years ago today I visited my Father in Westmoreland Hospital three times in one day.  Dad had been in for 2 ½ weeks because of congestive heart failure and complications from Alzheimer’s disease.  It was a difficult time for my sisters and me.  Mom was in a nursing home for rehabilitation for a broken hip.  Then Dad got worse and had to be hospitalized.  We were being pulled in so many directions physically and emotionally…

The first visit that day was really kind of bittersweet.  Nick and Tasha were on Springbreak. Dad’s doctor had told me that he probably only had at the most 6 months to live.  Dad was quite animated and laughed some.  He always enjoyed having people around…

The second visit was just me!  I had purchased a re-chargeable electric razor.  Dad hadn’t been shaved for a few days and he looked terrible.  I tried to do my best, but the razor hadn’t had enough time to charge…

The nurse had written Dad’s name on the board in his room.  He looked up and said with such emotion, “Frank Kasparek.  That’s a good name.” 

Before I left, for what I believed to be the last time that night, I turned to Dad and said, “I love you very, Very, VERY much!”  He repeated it back to me…

Just a few short hours later, I was back with Dad.  This time, his body was there, but his soul was where he had hoped and lived for most of his life.  He was with his Lord.

I am really missing him today.  But I wouldn’t wish him back for anything in this world!  He is where he wanted to be! 

Dad, I love you very, Very, VERY much!!

Mom and Dad

Mom and Dad

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THE BLESSINGS OF CHRISTMAS

December 28, 2008 at 7:54 am (Family, Focus, Holidays)

It is December 28, 2008.  Christmas is over.  New Year’s is just a few days away.  Now is the time to evaluate the “Season”.  Was it good?  Were there disappointments?  Will we be glad when it is all finished?

 

I have always loved Christmas!  It has everything wonderful wrapped up in one big present.  The meaning of Christmas is vital to our Christian walk.  If it weren’t for Christmas (and Easter), we would not have a Savior who came to earth as a man and then died on the cross for our redemption, our faith would be worthless!  This is truly an important and meaningful time to remember!

 

Christmas is also a wonderful time to see friends and families.  Many memories are made during this time of the year.  It is important to me to keep a strong connection with my sisters and their children.  I want us to make memories for ourselves!

 

And, of course, Christmas has it’s own special foods.  It is almost magical sitting down to Christmas dinner.  The smells, the tastes, and the conversation are such a beautiful fusion of the senses.  Each one is good, but the blending is incredible!

 

This year, the Christmas Season has been bittersweet.  This is the first year without my Mother.  My sister and her husband announced that they are moving to Missouri.   My uncle passed away on December 23.  The funeral was held on Christmas Eve.  Each of these events is sad, but the combination of them is overwhelming. 

 

In the book of Job, Job experiences wonderful blessings of God, followed by horrendous tragedies.  As he is suffering through all of this, his so-called friends try to give him advice.  They wonder why he is facing so many difficulties.  They ask about the sin in his life.  He declares, quite adamantly, “Why should I accept the good from God, and not the bad?”  He isn’t saying that God randomly sends us good, and then slaughters us with bad.  What Job conveys is the blessings of the plans of God.  His plans include wonderful gifts, and also difficulties.  But I can have assurance and encouragement knowing that God is in it all.  I will live this day, this month, this Season knowing that God is good!

 

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MY MOM

November 18, 2008 at 7:47 pm (Family, Love)

mom-6-081   It has been 2 ½ months since my Mother passed away.  She was 88 years old and the best mother in the world!  There are so many ways that I could describe her “bestness”.  Mom was a good wife to my Dad.  She was an excellent cook.  The neighborhood kids thought of her as a second mother.  (She typed papers for our teenage neighbor, Nancy, when Nancy couldn’t do it for herself.)   Mom was willing to sacrifice for our spiritual growth.  She went to Youth Conventions and stayed up till 3 or 4 in the morning to make sure we were all in our rooms.  Each summer she spent about 4 – 4 ½ weeks at Living Waters Camp in a 14’ x 16’ cabin with no running water.  She allowed each of her children develop in their own individual way.  I was the youngest; the one that was “full of energy”.  Even though Mom was a self-proclaimed worrier, she never stopped me from climbing trees or walking on top of the monkey bars at Mt. Odin Park.  Mom also taught us the value of family.  It was important for us to do “family things” such as picnics, ice skating, vacations, and holiday celebrations. 

 

   For all those reasons, my Mom could be considered the best.  But those reasons are not why I thought she was the best.  To me, my Mother, Lois Jane Clayton Kasparek was the best because she loved me.  Her love was unconditional.  Her love was real.  And her love will always remain in my heart. 

 

   Today, I am really missing her. 

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MY MOM

June 25, 2008 at 8:11 am (Family)

Yesterday was a day that I will remember forever.  Not because of Eleazara (who escaped once again), but because of my mother.  When I went into her room to help her get up yesterday morning, she was sitting on the side of the bed with her eyes closed, quietly singing to herself (or so she thought).  She went from one hymn to another.  They were songs of devotion and commitment to God and His ways.  She is 88 and past her “prime”.  But for just a few minutes, her voice took me back to when I was small and sitting on her lap.  I would place my ear on her chest and listen to her voice “from the inside out”.  It’s one of those things that always made me feel secure when I was a child.  And yesterday morning, as I prepared to care for her, my Mother took care of me for just a little while.

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NATASHA GRADUATED!

May 5, 2008 at 9:59 pm (Family)

Her smile says it all! 

 

Twenty-four years ago, God gave to Paul and me a precious gift, Natasha.  This past Thursday, she graduated from Central Bible College in Springfield, Missouri.  She is the MOST determined young woman I have ever met.  She has taught me so much about perseverance.  She is incredible when she puts her mind to something! 

 

Graduation was more than I could have ever expected.  I knew that I would cry, and I did.  I knew I would be excited, and I was.  I knew that I pride would make me want to “burst a button”, and it did!  But also, I am finding myself anticipating the wonderful journey that God is taking Tasha.  He has great plans for her.  Not just plans for the future, but plans for right now.  Watch out world, HERE SHE COMES!  NOTHING will stop her! 

 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”    Romans 8:38, 39

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