Two years ago today, I was sitting in a Doctor’s Office when I heard those dreaded words, “You have breast cancer.” I know that she continued to talk, but I honestly could not process what she was saying. I felt as though a train had hit me. I do remember she repeated to me that I was not going to die from this.
Two years later, I marvel at what all has happened and how I have changed. Yes, I have changed quite a bit. Initially I vowed that cancer would not change me. I fought hard to remain exactly the same. I wanted to be who I always was. But the cancer won and I began to change.
The most obvious changes were physical. I now have a 7½ inch scar. I felt as though my body had played a cruel joke on me. I never saw it coming and I was the object of a nightmarish prank.
I was very fortunate and only required two surgeries for the cancer to be gone. After that, four more for reconstruction and I am pronounced “Finished!”
But I definitely have changed.
Over these twenty-four months I have begun to see the value of family, of friends, of church, of ministry, of life. I realize my own mortality. I know that I cannot “do it all”. I have fought hard not to learn these things, but the cancer taught them to me.
Along with the cancer came some unwanted “friends”. Depression, loneliness, pain, confusion and anger. And each of them, in their own way and time changed me also.
As I look back today, I can honestly say that the cancer changed me and I would not have it any other way. I have more compassion for the hurting, more understanding for the depressed. I know that my own life is not as important as I once thought. There are too many ways I have changed for the better to even list. But I thank God that He allowed me to go down this path. I thank Him for a loving, caring, compassionate husband who was with me each step of the way. I thank Him for children who bring me joy. And I pray that I will not waste one lesson that I have learned because of the cancer.
Forgive me for being a bit “morbid” today, but I just needed to put into words my thoughts. I am praying for each friend I know who is also traveling this most difficult road.
